At this late juncture All eating is competitive eating But in the world to come All competition will be An excuse for a feast

In the story of The boy who cried wolf There was no wolf Until there was And there still is

The central paradox of our broken world is known through the feeling of unsurprised disappointment Hope is the belief

We expect a fiduciary relationship with our financial advisors and all they do is help handle the money Yet we so often fail

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

I could do a passable moonwalk in socks on linoleum but if I put on one glove I had to take off one sock

A man wants the mother of his children to be a chef in the kitchen “imaginative” in the bedroom a shrink in the living room

Delusions of grandeur about yourse… Are inevitable Delusions of grandeur about God Are impossible Which is how

Nothing is Risk-free Except hell

I fist met Cap’n Crunch back when he was 2nd Lieutenant C… He did this weird thing where he’d… in the powdered milk powder and sa… Stays crunchy even in milk!

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

We’ve gone from treating people as a means to an end to using them as props for pretend

Google Glass never took because smart phones are a prosthetic for the hands not the eyes

Life is a trial in which the more you obey the guiltier you become Miraculously

Johnny Cash is going to Jackson; I have been to Jacksonville