To avoid road rage all rearview mirrors have been replaced by screens displaying a real-time computerize… of the way things ought to be

I’m always leaving things at church so the lost and found won’t be empty

The moment I think It’s beneath me the solid ground collapses into a sinkhole where I remain

If you take a hot-blooded child and raise him in a cold-blooded cu… don’t be surprised when you get a lukewarm-blooded vulture

Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death

Desire is a tautology rendering each of us a failed ouroboros as dogs chasing our own tails

The faceless horde finds strength in numbers by losing themselves in the crowd But when your numbers are small

When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–

They can’t kick sand in your face if your head is al– ready in the sand

If you’re going to take sick leave… take FMLA

Life has given us pumpkins ostensibly for carving and smashing but I smell an opportunity though the opportunity cost

Life is a trial in which the more you obey the guiltier you become Miraculously

The smartest gal in the room Is the one who realizes All the adults in the room Are emotional children Behaving like holy terrors

How do I love me? Let me count t… I love me to the depths of my stom… and when in line in front of a lum… I’ll take the last fried rice in t… I love me to the level of Wall St…

Instead of using our flashlights to move through the wilderness in the dark, slowly we believe that if we just keep shining them about the dark forest