Most tautologies are self-fulfilling prophecies For example: Most people are average But God never met
To break up with your significant other just say I need space To break it off
Strange that we use Out of order for broken and for breaking the rules As if the Coke machine
A planning committee’s second most… Is coming up with a plan That everyone can agree to But no one is happy with This sounds strange until you real…
Nobody invents themselves so we’re left to choose between perfecting or reinventing ourselve… Nobody’s perfect of course
The left believes that the culture war can be won by winning elections The right believes that the culture war can be won
I couldn’t believe that my first e… was still carrying a torch for me and then I saw all my other ex’s b… carrying a pitch fork
The usual cruelty Is having multiple children And enforcing a hierarchy In order to keep the peace Unusual cruelty
If you pull my heartstring I’ll say one of eleven pre-recorded phrases but you can only hear the ones in the first four dimensions
In the end no one could be held accountable for the catastrophe not because there weren’t plenty of warning signs
A human has being so, we call ourselves human beings God has meaning so, we call Him
Mother Goose was always considere… a good enough mother Until lately we realized her failure to smother It was unanimous
Feminism’s big mistake is thinking it can use a power vac… to clean up the patriarchy’s mess
If you want to feel a little bit guilty just break a rule or two But if you want to feel well and truly guilty
There are no atheists in foxholes; the world is a foxhole