If my wife could re-draft she says she’d still take me but only after trading back to the second round
The lamppost is an outpost Where it’s safe to admit That between you, me, and the lamp… Self-knowledge is over-rated Self-deception is automated
You can tell that the far right Borg and the far left Borg are one Borg because Donald Trump
I know I’m losing an argument with my friends when my thoughts turn to lunch I know I’m winning when I’m about to lose my lunch
During the rodeo clown shortage nobody thought that the rodeo mime… but the mimes surprised everyone distracting the bulls by silently evoking the dignity
It’s not that I’ve often taken leave of my senses but that I can never take a hint
When I filter my selfie it becomes a safie
We don’t understand our childhoods so we spend our adult lives reenacting them in the hope that an outside observer
When I was a kid the rule was one kid got to pour two glasses of Coke and the other kid
Every night when Smokey Bear would tuck me in… the last thing he always said was Only you can prevent forest fires
My matchmaker couldn’t find me any… but she suggested I go to the bing… and focus on the woman who played the most cards per game
The discomfort that Americans now all evince in one another used to be reserved for old people who get rich quick
When the loyal opposition smelled a rat the administration’s defense centered on the fact that it wasn’t the rats that had carrie…
When things were easy going it was easy to believe you were on the up and up But when the going got tough suddenly you were going
Instead of dismantling oppression we dismantled the printing press inaugurating the Information Age when no news is good news all information is disinformation