In a real life version of the ugly duckling discovering h… I was the reject popsicle stick who at long last found out I was a handy tongue depressor

In failing to put the I in team I took the erotic out of neurotic

I am a story I tell myself The story is a cover-up The cover-up is always worse than… The crime is merely the will to po… The cover-up is giving away my pow…

Some people have baggage; I come with furniture Fortunately, my wife enjoys rearranging

Blood is thicker than water Unless it’s blood From a turnip

People understand that their socia… depends on their phone but they wrongly believe that the existential question at h… is the familiar

In this world A perfectionist can never admit a… Because and therefore He has nothing to learn In the world to come

The usual cruelty Is having multiple children And enforcing a hierarchy In order to keep the peace Unusual cruelty

The only way God can love us all the same amoun… Is by loving each of us infinitely And the only way God can love each of us differentl…

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel

Just as God is one There is only one strength– A yetzer tov That is strong enough to tame The yetzer hara

A heart can only beat in synch with another A broken heart still beats because God keeps the time– just as He keeps us–

The only way to know you’re not paranoid is to stay connected at all times so you can rest assured

When life gives white people lemon… they make ginger tea lemonade wit…

In wristwatch advertisements the doomsday clock is always set to ten past ten