An Opening
Why must I title an emotion I cannot name?
Guilt always proceeds when I cannot create a line.
It’s adding to the failure, the grief, the torment.
The Devil long ago presented his book, asking me to sign.
Later on now, possible moments, maybe days.
Waking in fear, with an aching chest and pounding heart.
These visions, these nightmares....
They’re tearing me apart.
It is impossible to count the number of tears
That have danced upon my cheeks.
It’s impossible to know where all this outward emotion strung from;
I’ve been completely hollow for weeks.
This radiant smile is flickering out,
It’s too hard to keep up such a show.
The energy to lie to my friends comes in bouts,
Leaving me more guilt-ridden, feeling a new sort of low.
A constant struggle to rise once again.
Each day I face the fear of someone discovering my lie.
I cower in fear, self loathing, failure,
Waiting for the day my God in Heaven let’s me Die.
