A boy who said he loved me
I gave a piece of me to a boy who said he loved me
When I first heard it my heart pound like elephants stampeding through the jungle in Tarzan
It felt like there was a scream trapped inside me sort of the way that when we would watch a scary movie I felt someone else’s emotions in my throat
My body felt weightless like how I always imagined a princess in a Disney movie would feel
I gave a piece of me to a boy who said he loved me
He sounded like he meant it and it’s only over the phone on a late night call and I can’t even see his face but I knew he meant it
Part of my innocence left in the skin beneath his nails
When he said it I was young had yet to comprehend that when he told me he loved me what he meant was I will grow to be distant starting now
Look at these constellation I have carved into my own skin to remind myself that drawing blood was less painful than heart break
Look at the ghosts on my cheeks on where endless tears praying for death streamed oceans of mascara down my face
And when I cried he would catch every tear and keep them as trophies
He placed them in Mason jars next to the others because it made him feel proud
I was left in a heap ashamed of the debris I was becoming
and when I thought I had lost the one thing that had replace my sanity
there was so much anxiety over my lack of propriety all I do is cry but he does not care.
I gave a piece of me to a boy who said he loved me.
I can never get it back.
