It Still Hurts
He walked into my house.
his eyes like the ocean after a storm, the same way he always looked.
But his eyes were heavy.
He looked like he had just lost the most valuable object in the world.
He told me he had to tell me something.
The knots I’m my stomach told me I already knew.
I kissed her, he said.
My heart dropped to where my stomach was supposed to be
but my stomach was too busy trying to climb it’s way out of my throat.
My vocal chords constricted the words I wanted to say.
My razor blade tongue lay dormant long enough for me to say it’s alright.
I forgave him like that, without second thought
He is all that I want. He kisses my scars and knows all my secrets. He was something I was and am not ready to give up on.
He left quickly. I kissed him goodbye and he was gone.
It’s been almost a year since that day and there is not a moment I regret that decision.
I forgave him. I do not count it against him but I do hold it against myself.
I fear it is something that will haunt me forever.
You see, I have forgiven but it is hard to forget when his lips still have a vague imprint of hers.
It is hard to forget when I hear her name in daily conversation
It is hard to forget when I still see her face on his social media
It is hard to forget when I know that at one point he had been dissatisfied with holding me in his arms.
It’s hard to forget when I know I should have always been enough.
