Seasons Pass and Memories Fade
As I sit here
Your face behind my closed lids
I remember a time
When you held me in your arms
And I memorized your smile
Knowing we would never work
But enjoying you anyway.
Your dimples and lines
Are burned in my brain
The heat of your warmth
I still feel some days
Because for once in my life
I felt I was safe
I never should have run away.
I shouldn’t have let go
But I thought I made the right choice
Because you and I were fire and water
Destined to put each other out.
Although sometimes
Every now and again
I know I should have been the one
You married
I should be the girl in those pictures
Kissing your cheek
Making you smile that way.
That’s the greed in me,
Unhappy with my choices
If I knew what I know now
I never would have walked away.
But you were broken and battered
Having lost your father
To a fight a son should never see
I was bruised and beaten
From a mother
And a boy
That used me, and broke me.
I was so scared to be loved
I chose the easy way out
Chose a man that could never love me
The way I want to be.
When I’m 40 and sad
Having settled in life
I’ll always drift back
To these defining times
Where one choice
Could have changed my whole life.
You chased me so far
Begging me to stay
And now you’re happily married
And my greed... my selfishness...
Wishes I was her
That I hadn’t run
I should have stayed when you were mine.
I should have claimed you
The way my heart longed to
But I was so scared of a future
I wasn’t sure of.
In that little time we shared together
I knew we would never work out
But as I lay here finding my mind wonder
Your face creeps back into view
Over and over again
Reminding me that that sweet kiss was mine.
My memory is terrible
So much trauma inside
I chose not to remember much
From that time
But you,
Your face
Your piercing blue eyes
And your sweet sorrow....
I’ll never forget you.
I wish I would have stayed.
