Do what ifs matter?
As I sit here in the middle of the night,
I can’t help but wonder–
Do you think of me the way I think of you?
Do you revisit the trees every now and then
In your dreams...
Or think of my hair and the way that it fell down my spine.
Or the smile I always had
Even at the end of the line
I wonder if you knew the ugly truths
And if you regret the way you ripped my heart out.
I wonder if a glimmer in you ever thinks what would have happened
If we stayed together all this time.
Would there be so much pain?
Would I be the same?
Would I have felt the love I’ve been missing since you were mine...
It’s stupid you know. But it’s true none the less
That your first will always hold place in your breast
Right where your heart used to reside.
But on nights like these
I just can’t help but wonder...
What my life would have turned out to be
Every time i think back to that stupid tree.
I am proud of myself,
A journeyman wireman, a career I might never have found...
If I stayed through with you glued to a frown
From all the heart ache you managed to rain down
On my poor little blossoming soul.
I say I don’t hold it against you... but I don’t think that’s true
Because after all it really was you.
You took a huge piece of my heart
And you tore it apart
And I never even received a sorry or even...
A fuck you.
I just can’t help but wonder
If you revisit those times
Under the stars and the moon and in the back of cop cars
And just plunder over...
What would have happened?
Shake it away and keep it at bay just to see it again in my dreams every 6 months.
A small memory.
A moment.
A smell.
A smile.
And all over again, I’m here.
2am, writing another God damn “poem”.
