1500
The sun shines brightly overhead
As I stare inside of this panel
Outside of my customer’s property
Trying so very hard,
Avoiding the thoughts dancing through my mind
Of what I’ve been through,
Who I have lost,
Time that has passed,
How I’ve changed...
I realized it all can end quickly.
One finger on black,
One on green
And the pain will be gone.
I won’t have to remember my son’s death
Or long for him in my arms
I can bring myself to him.
I can forget my entire life, with one touch.
I want this.
There were no sparks.
No sudden bursts of light
Just 1500 volts coursing through my body in a fraction of a second
Darkness.
I saw him.
I saw my baby, in the form of a blue and black butterfly.
I knew it was him.
As he spread his beautiful wings and soared I followed close.
But I was cut short.
The lights came on, my eyes opened.
I was lying on the floor, no one around me.
I had no damage other than my severely burnt arm and aching chest
And I cursed out loud and began to cry.
I’ve tried so very hard
Seizure meds, ibuprofen, bleach, and now electricity....
Why won’t you let me go? You have taken everything from me.
My mother.
My happiness.
My pride.
My children...
Why can I not be at peace?
Am I being punished?
Am I in Hell?
