The Unintentional Suicide of the Scout Leader
Before I unfold to you
The misfortune of this tale,
I shall present to you
The poor protagonist who died
For your unsavoury enjoyment.
His name was Mr Roper,
Rather ironically;
Slain by his own hand, unintentionally.
He was a sweet man,
Held in high regard by all those
Who claimed to know him.
“A man of God,
A man of honour,
A loving husband and father.”
A scout leader, teacher of the young,
“Hail Mr Roper!” the children always sung.
It was a tragedy, then,
When he was found to be dead;
Such a pillar of society
Is sure to be missed.
His family’s faith, extinguished
Like a damp camp fire,
Was impossible to rekindle
As their hope for the future began to dwindle.
Now I turn your attention
To the incident at hand.
The death of this beloved man,
Who in his spare time at home
Would practice his already perfect knots,
Is a very grotesque subject.
But no one knew why poor old Bruce
Was in the basement tying the noose.
Roper, attempting the slip knot,
Had made a slip, and formed a knot
Fit only for the gallows.
Frustrated and bewildered
He set upon the task of
Deconstructing this mysterious mistake.
Now here begins the strangest part of all,
The event that led to Roper’s final fall.
While undoing the noose unwillingly created,
Mr Roper slipped, or tripped,
Or became snarled, or tangled,
Or something...
The truth is, how it happened
Is completely inexplicable.
But somehow, the piteous man
Was found hanging from the ceiling fan.
(2013)
