The Harry Stinger Show
“Har-ry, Har-ry, Har-ry, Har-ry.” Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Harry Stinger Show. Today we have a guest whose name is Lance. He is here to propose to his girlfriend. He told me that she is the girl of his dreams, and he wouldn’t even think of marrying anybody else. Let’s give him a warm welcome as he comes in. “Yea - - - .”
In walks this tall handsome distinguished man in his twenties carrying a bouquet of roses. His face was clean shaven, and not a hair was out of place on his head. He was wearing a neatly pressed Armani suit. He came over and sat down. Harry then said. “Welcome to the show, Lance. Tell us your story.”
He responded in a distinguished manner, speaking in a clear voice. Each syllable was pronounced perfectly. “Well, Harry, I came here to propose to my girlfriend Millie. I’m madly in love with her. She is the most beautiful wholesome girl in the whole world. She was working in one of my factories when I met her. Then afterwards, we went sailing on one of my yachts. We had champagne, caviar, and filet mignon that my cook, Reginald had prepared for us. I fell in love with her right away. Millie is so beautiful.” Harry then responded, “She surely must be, seeing that you are such a fine gentleman. Let’s meet her. She is waiting outside the studio.”
To the stage comes walking in this stupid, fat, dirty, three hundred pound beast with her fat gut hanging out of her clothes. She waddles over to the chair, plops herself down as it collapsed from all the weight, then she hits the floor. “Kablam!” She gets a new chair and takes it easy this time sitting down. Lance looks at her with stars in his eyes as he kneels down to propose to her.
“Millie, you are the most beautiful woman in the whole world. I’m madly in love with you. Will you please accept my proposal and give me your hand in marriage, my love? I have this wedding ring, a token of my love for you made out of two carat diamonds, which is not enough for you who deserves even more. My love for you is even more than that. Will you marry me, my love?”
As she sat there scratching her crotch and snorting like a pig, she wiped the ketchup off of her chin, then replied, “I have a confession to make first. You know I’m pretty hot stuff,” as she flashes her flabby disgusting Harry beads at the audience. (Ugh-h) “I’ve been sleeping with one of your gardener’s daughters, who is my mother’s wife. We made love in the pig pen sloshing around in all the mud. Then my mother came in, got jealous and smashed me over the head with a frying pan. I’ll marry you as long as my mother, her wife, and her wife’s brother, who I’ve also been sleeping with, can sleep with us, too. I couldn’t stand being with just you alone.”
“Yes, yes, yes, I’ll do anything for you, as long as you will marry me. You have made me the happiest man on earth. For our honeymoon, you, your mother and her wife, and her wife’s brother, and I can sail to Tahiti on one of our yachts. Let me kiss your hand, my love. Wonderful, wonderful, won—derful!!!