You know I can’t be happy
And you know why
I hate dragging you down like this
Because I want you to be happy
And I just can’t be
If I wouldn’t have come here
If we would’ve never met
If I would’ve died when I OD’d
You’d be happy
You wouldn’t even know I existed
I’m a safety net
For you to lean on
For you to fall back on
You are my EVERYTHING
I don’t know why you never saw that
If I didn’t really care about you I wouldn’t be like this
I wouldn’t be acting like this
At all
But because I care I’m suffering
And you are too
I say that because it’s the truth
I would’ve given you the clothes off my back
I would’ve fed you before myself
I would’ve pushed you out of the way of a semi
And I probably still would honestly
My feelings are
So messed up
Because I just want to let go but I can’t
And I know if I take matters into my own hands
You’ll be devastated
And that’s not what I want at all
 
I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted
Tell me
How it is
Because I don’t get it
You couldn’t stand to hurt him
But you could stand in turn to hurt me
Yet I guess
If I were in your shoes
I would’ve done the same thing
Because I’m nothing really
Just a pile of unwritten words
Jumbled together
In a tight confined space
I can’t breathe
I’m suffocating
And I just want it all to go away
I can’t be happy
I just can’t
I’ve tried
And every time
I’m smacked back down into my lowest place
And maybe
Just maybe
That’s where I belong
Where I deserve to stay
Forever

(2014)

Smothered, Hurting, Exhaustion

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