My soul hangs by a thread as I watch the pushpins dig deeper and deeper into my skin.
I can almost feel it as it bleeds from my pores.
Color.
I rip away yesterdays pain with a sizzle and slice.
The greys of the flame dance in front of my face,
but I see nothing.
It coats my insides and burns my throat.
But somehow the nothingness feels so good.
It reminds me what living is like.
Expressions of the outside rumble in my brain.
Crick. Crack. Pop.
Was that the fire?
You gotta be quick.
I remember that sound.
The feel of the steel against the white.
I can breathe.
Or am I drowning?
I can’t tell the difference anymore.
It feels so good.
How could this be bad?
I’ve run out of room to display my art.
The body is funny that way,
there’s only so much.
Take a drag.
Light another.
They’re only lungs anyway.
I scrunch my insides to remind myself that they’re still there.
Creativity boils my intestines like acid.
Wait, that’s real.
I pick away the crevices of my mind with steel.
It is the only way.
You are the only way.
Thank you, friend.
For reminding my what reality is.
I stand distantly watching.
realizing,
remembering.
That feeling.
The only feeling.
The only thing I know.
I pause on a thought.
a memory.
a friend.
I see a bottle.
Maybe not the one your thinking of.
I want a drink.
a sip.
a taste.
a release.
But there are so many choices.
So many ways to escape.
So many poisons.
All I have to do is pick one.
Why just one?
I want to try every candy.
That taste.
Steel against my tongue.
My memory.
Oh, how you never forget your favorites.
It stings.
It burns.
It feels so good.
Caress my skin Mr. Steel.
Find that place that’ll take me away.
Somewhere nice.
Where the breeze can smack my face
and bring me back to where I really am.
Bring me to a paradise.
I want to show you my insides.
Display them in a case.
Never to be touched.
Just something pretty to look at.
Don’t you see the pretty colors?
I want to lick your brain to understand what it feels like.
To understand what it must have been like to taste the soul of another.
I want to eat your heart.
At least that way ours can be close.
Together.
Somehow.

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