New Neighbors
I think my new neighbors
are country redneck hicks,
they must be from wilson county
are somewhere back in the sticks.
They drove up in an ol’ plymouth
full of crap and junk,
with a mattress tied to the top
and four hounds in the trunk.
Besides that there was something
even more bizarre,
they had a donkey and a sheep
in the back seat of their car.
The guy sported a mullet
and a rebel doorag cap,
he’s certainly not the type
to let your daughter sit in his lap.
He leaned against the car
with a hay straw dangling from his lip, which was pooched out and overflowing with copenhagen dip.
His ol’ lady is pregnant
and was wearing yellow spandex,
she’s the perfect example
of a reason to ban sex.
They have six kids
ranging from one to five years old,
the oldest was jailed for assault
but was recently paroled.
The guy said you young’uns
go on now and find somewhere to play, and don’t be fightin’
and stay out of people’s way.
And he looked at his woman and said you’re prettier than a virginia ham,
I wouldn’t trade you for a sixty nine camaro
with a three quarter cam.
And she replied honey
you sho know how to flip a girl’s switches, and if you keep talkin’ like that
you’re fix’n to get’n these here britches.
About that time one of the young’ns hollered
bubba shot me with a BB gun,
and the daddy said awww he wud’n tryin’ to hurt you
he was just having a little fun.
Then they roughed up and robbed
the welcoming committee,
and for most folks havin’ to put up with such jokers
would be a down right pity.
But they’re my new neighbors and with them
next door I must dwell,
and since we have so much in common we should get along just swell.
(2015)
