You seem to have caught me in a gr… But it can’t be at all my fault if As you’ll see in the hieroglyph My back is to the cliff Over which the lemmings drift

Aristocracy failed because it couldn’t keep some of the people happy all of the time Democracy is failing because

I have a prediction to make: We can’t predict the ending But when it’s all said and done Everything will seem obvious For example,

No man is an island but plenty live in abandoned towns

I always wondered if mimes were a type of clown until having my mind blown by the insight that

Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people

Two roads diverged the one to the left leading up the garden path the one to the right leading down the garden path

My self-care plan includes a cheat day when I get to go to church

You can’t give people the benefit of the doubt if you’re incapable of doubting yourself

In my third marriage I went all in on being present in the moment When she left she said that being with me

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel

Of late, being good materialists we put space first calling this universe spacetime Yet, at the speed of light it’s not space collapsing

This isn’t the best of all possible worlds but God does His best with what we give Him to work with

Just because they’re coming to get you doesn’t mean you’re not paranoid

In the movies they always guess right when it’s time to cut the blue wire or the red wire on the ticking time bomb