In the world to come The United Nations will finally r… If you can’t beat ‘em Join ‘em
Loving others is the only sure sou… Why do we love them? Just for being there and enabling…
You’re only allowed to define yourself by what you’re against (anti-fascist, anti-Zionist, etc.) and what you’ve come after
Peanut butter’s not very good by itself but chocolate is Because I’m not very religious it’s important for me
The truth is true Is a tautology The truth is untried and true Is an etiology
We’re told the space between galaxies is expanding but mightn’t the space within galaxies
The faceless horde finds strength in numbers by losing themselves in the crowd But when your numbers are small
You can only make a difference in the face of indifference
The US Constitution rules out cruel and unusual punishment but that and a nickel will get you 1% of a cup of coffee now that cruelty is the usual
The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published
Mid-life crisis: the failure to start hoping you don’t get what you want
One person can never predict the future but two people can if they get married This is a clue
The left believes that the culture war can be won by winning elections The right believes that the culture war can be won
When they drew a winner It looked like we’d won By the luck of the draw But we came by our good fortune The honest way:
Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
