If you want a world that isn’t just a bunch of window dressing don’t have a world in which we’re all constantly being window…

I know I think, Therefore I am All knowing Unless

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

When randomness blends with lawfulness you get the Loch Ness

My handwriting analyst said my electronic signature indicates a Type A personality and that’s all she sees anymore I said

My wife now relates to me very much as she does to stinky cheese

In a few years we’ll all look back on liberal democracy and fake laugh

It never snows anymore in Baltimore but it did before you left open the refrigerator doo…

God is infinitely demanding (MC… Because (=) God is infinitely rewarding (E)

The difference between your superego and God is that your superego says You must, but you can’t leaving you with worlds of guilt

Some people are orchids Some people are dandelions Some people like the ugly duckling are orchids who think they’re dand…

I was a bullshit artist until I realized a career as a bullshit scientist paid better

You’re only allowed to define yourself by what you’re against (anti-fascist, anti-Zionist, etc.) and what you’ve come after

They used to pay us A penny for our thoughts But then they realized We would pay them To think for us

If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon