Looking for signs of intelligent l… We imagine their supremely advance… Like somnolent caterpillars Dreaming up fabulous cocoons of th…

People are like whales who have gotten sick of plankton

If they cut a deal with the devil to cut you loose without ever having to cut the crap they’ll cut right to the chase and… how much it saddens them to cut ti…

We can all agree that life is the number one cause of death But no one wants to admit that death is the only cause of ne… Nevertheless, we love our children

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

Never trust anyone who doesn’t believe in hell They’re almost always the ones whose idea of heaven is usurping God

Social media has made the famous so accessible that it’s like you can see the face of… but instead of dying you want to take a nap

When at last my colleagues convinced me to go out after work and I’d relaxed enough to drop my… everyone could finally see my helm…

Seeing as no good deed goes unpuni… Everyone else turned the job offer… And went back to waiting on their… Only the Jews understood that In the real world

It’s important to me to live in a… with museums, big league sports, n… so that I can enjoy staying home Baltimore has a subway I’ve never… When I lived in Los Angeles I ac…

I was happy alone Because being together Meant being lonely Until you showed me That being together

We think of death As the worst-case scenario But what if In the best-case scenario Death is the answer to a question?

In inter-family feuds eventually the gloves come off but in intra-family feuds the masks come off

Antisemitism is suddenly easy to f… It’s a mile wide and just scratch the surface an inch deep– You’ll find it there