Give thanks to God For we are much obliged

In 2019 KLM Airlines began advertising that you should take the train instead; it felt like being asked to open up the marriage

When the devil told me “Fuck-up is a noun And so are you” I didn’t know if he meant I’m also a fuck-up

When someone says Ask me anything You wonder what you’re not allowed… But that’s exactly what you can’t… Because they don’t know

The second hardest thing in life Is facing the facts The hardest thing in life Is knowingly ignoring the facts So, people do the easy thing and i…

We have achieved the classless society: eve– rything is tacky

A boundary is a line until you cross it when it becomes a binding leaving you all tied up with nowhere to go

I often find myself telling God That according to the terms of the… You get what you need God insists I come to terms with the implicati…

Tired of my pre-contemplation phas… God sent me my wife Who Contemplated me during the honeymo… Prepared me for fatherhood

If they cut a deal with the devil to cut you loose without ever having to cut the crap they’ll cut right to the chase and… how much it saddens them to cut ti…

It could be the truth if it couldn’t go viral But it’s definitely pravda if it speeds our downward spiral

I need the guy who trains your mind so that you can walk barefoot across hot coals to come to my house

Hey mister, that Deep Blue is some deep shit I know, that’s why we’re

The smartest gal in the room Is the one who realizes All the adults in the room Are emotional children Behaving like holy terrors

At first moving heaven and earth is its own reward because it’s hell on wheels But self-flagellation