In the act of creating new life men presage their relationship with death

Each question on the purity test concludes with the following promp… Which two answers are correct? And you always have the same four choices:

It is said that The truth will set you free And while this may be true It goes without saying that Lies will give you power over othe…

The reason God made us mortal Is the reason hiding in plain sigh… So that Knowing we must die anyway We might choose

If you’re locked out of your house you can die from exposure but if you’re locked in your house you can die from overexposure

The US Constitution rules out cruel and unusual punishment but that and a nickel will get you 1% of a cup of coffee now that cruelty is the usual

Thinking that the purpose of life… things looked good enough on the s… to believe that my life was 24-karat gold Who knew that the purpose of beaut…

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and antisemitism

You’ve made Your waterbed Now steep in it

This isn’t the best of all possible worlds but God does His best with what we give Him to work with

Excuse me, Are you still Taking excuses?

People will only tell the truth when they think they can get away with it For example, perjury laws only wor… by publicly threatening jail time

I was a bullshit artist until I realized a career as a bullshit scientist paid better

Ever since I got my first smartphone it feels like I’m visiting a museum and all the decent human beings

My children have no idea they are living through a golden age of comedy