Life was once a high-wire act without a net Now it’s tennis without a net

It turns out they were right when they removed the self-destruc… explaining You won’t be needing this anymore now that you have autocorrect

If you have to ask how much pursuing it will cost you then you’ve already given way on your desire

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

When women need a break from the m… they must be able to endure a whole lot of his navel gazing

As the civil war raged on between too much, too soon and too little, too late I thought I’d found

A fair competition Is one in which No one can win So that everyone Has an equal chance

They couldn’t have been more obvio… in their preparations for the surp… trusting that I was the type loathe to ruin my own surprise

One wonders how they arrived at the 140 character limit per Twe… Did they consult the Kabbalah the average length of haiku or the heart rate of the hummingbi…

Life = Trial by fire Death = Trial by firing squad

Some families hide the truth in pl… By laughing at it Although it gets confusing for a c… When the truth is a joke That can’t be told

Aristocracy failed because it couldn’t keep some of the people happy all of the time Democracy is failing because

Wittgenstein began by telling us t… Face the facts But the fact is A cold, hard bottle In the form of our addiction to

Most people can get away with sweeping a few things under the ru… but when I started working at the… I couldn’t help noticing how the rugs looked like

People thought they could finally come and go as they pleased if they could just be rid of the g… only to find in their absence not just more and bigger gates