Everybody knows The pen is mightier than the sword But few understand That it’s because The pen is a lightsaber

In the new version of socialism You can own as much property as yo… You just can’t own your mistakes

Paper comes from trees but when money was made of paper we all agreed that money doesn’t grow on trees

We ask people How are you doing? because it’s the easiest way to prevent them from actually telling us how they are doing

Initially, as you approach hell it feels like you’re getting a warm welcome

He should have said: If everything is permitted then God does not exist

In school they put me in the gifted class but as one of my favorite teachers finally put it “There’s just something missing”

In the movies they always guess right when it’s time to cut the blue wire or the red wire on the ticking time bomb

God: Do you trust me? Me: It’s not my fault!

The devil’s one job Is making you an offer You can’t refuse And there’s only one thing The devil can’t offer

Why do we say Where there’s smoke, there’s fire when It’s the smoke that kills you, not…

Imagine the disappointment when we… both wearing Velcro singlets but each fashioned from the softer… with nary a hook between us

I didn’t start consistently moonwa… until they required us to wear Fit… to qualify for our employee health…

As the boat overfilled with refuge… was turned away from the harbor each of the onshore demographic gr… had their own routinized, ruthless… but surrounded by my own