My first meeting with God was ver… I knocked on the door and said “Excuse me?” God didn’t look up from what He w… As He calmly and firmly explained

You start out needing money to advance your ideology but you end up mouthing your ideol… to rake in more money

Ours was the first all you can eat… to earn a coveted Michelin star and I always thought it was becaus… when you ordered the whole enchila… it came with bottomless fries

Optimism Hope without optimism Hope against hope Unconditional surrender Noncontingent being

Yes, humans suck– that’s a universal The reason we haven’t been able to fix it is that being a human doesn’t suck for eve…

According to experts There are only seven basic plots Limited to the believable There are no experts on the truth Because the truth

Not to be outdone I cut my face off to spite my nose

In the age of divorce It needs to be said: If you don’t want to end up divorc… Do not covet your neighbor’s ex-wi…

My wife fell right back in love with me when we came up with a rubric

Anselm’s ontological proof fails at proving the existence of God; there is no way around a leap of f… Instead, it proves that human bein… are incapable of accessing God’s m…

The turning point came after I pegged my happi– ness to the dollar

No one wanted to wear augmented reality goggles until our design team hit upon the idea of making them look

In countries with official state-r… Everyone pretends to pay attention So that they can go back to being… In countries with unacknowledged s… Everyone pays attention

Darth Vader. Only you could be so bored.

The saying goes There’s no I in team But there is a me And it’s because You give yourself to the team