A memory hole should be just deep enough to bury yourself up to the neck– Any deeper

The two-week lockdown To bend the curve Turned into a year-and-a-half That bent our minds When

When people meet me they typically think I’m a sensitive guy but later they realize I’m a time sensitive guy

Wittgenstein began by telling us t… Face the facts But the fact is A cold, hard bottle In the form of our addiction to

If I said– The worst thing you can say about… is that he always plays it safe– then he sounds like a perfectly ni… But when I say–

There’s always an excuse So, there’s never an excuse For running out of excuses

Many con artists have a moral awakening; even more realize that the only compassionate thing to do is continue the con

My wife is philosophically opposed to my habit of justifying things, say a bag of the really good kind… with the phrase: I deserve it

When my dog gives me that knowing… I don’t know what she knows I only know that she knows Who I’m fooling And it isn’t her

There’s nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already ignored

Life is a talent show where most everyone is doing bad versions of easy impressions

The makers of Fitbit Bring you the Pleasure Measure Because after you get your steps i… It’s time to get your fun done!

Either like swords all signs have a point Or like the needle of a compass

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel

I told my daughter Let me give you some free advice: You get what you pay for And she said I don’t get it