Invisible
I’m tired of fighting this battle alone,
The pain spreads faster than before,
Relief from the pain is what I need,
But people just won’t listen,
They just don’t believe,
They always say, “you seem fine to me”,
They say my pain is in my head,
There’s days the pain is so intense,
And again I fight the night mare,
Once life was fun, it was the best,
Now I endure it’s painful test,
When will this end,
I used to live life at full speed,
Now I don’t know where the next day will lead,
All I wish for is someone to understand,
You see I have a disease,
That I wish would go by like the breeze,
It’s one you can’t see,
It makes me hurt endlessly,
I wish the pain would be quiet,
I have difficulties here and there,
People just don’t understand,
No matter how much pain I have,
I don’t say a peep,
And a lot of the time I cry myself to sleep,
I don’t want people to think I am weak,
And I need to protect those who are close to me,
This is a disease you can’t see,
It is not contagious or vile,
It has no beginning and it has no end,
And so I sit as the pain moves in,
No one understands,
And with it being impossible to see,
I plea,
Vanish pain,
Leave me be,
Please hear my plea,
Give me life,
Renew my hope,
Let me shed not another tear for something people can’t see,
Vanish pain,
Leave me be, please,
I can still do the laundry and fold all the clothes,
Wash dirt from the side walk with the garden hose,
I walk down the street and still dance every great while,
I still look the same,
But there are a number of days,
I’m in a sort of haze,
It’s a haze that clouds my mind,
And it makes me seem as if I’ve forgotten everything and makes me act half-crazed,
But you aren’t able to see my pain,
Like when I put my children to bed,
My body aches from their loves that they give,
But they will never know that their loves hurt mommy so,
I’m not in a wheelchair and I don’t use a crutch,
I look just like you,
So, what, you ask, could hurt so much, it must be all in your head,
But it all starts with a twist, a bump or a strain,
But my body forgets to turn of the pain,
I look normal and I do the things you do and I’m just as mobile,
So... It can’t be so bad and so you say it must all be in your head,
But it’s all inside, where it likes to hide,
The pills dull the pain but it never lets go,
And the worst pain of all is that nobody knows,
It’s not in my mind but oh how I wish it were,
It keeps me from sleep and gets worse as I stir,
I don’t want your pity and I don’t want you to leave me,
I just want the ones I love to understand and believe,
One touch is like fire, a hug like a knife,
Sometimes in the morning, I’ll ask, “Please let me be pain free, if just for one day”,
Please be patient when things don’t go right,
It’s probably cause I didn’t get much sleep last night,
And because your touch and love mean oh so much,
I will hide the pain just to feel your touch,
What is this endless battle I fight and hide from those I love,
It is a disease not of the brain but of pain,
It’s name, Fibromyalgia,
An invisible disease which has no cure and isn’t just in my brain.
(2010)
