Easing Out
It’s difficult accepting
that I am easing out
more difficult is seeing
what you were all about
you never were comitted
to the life you sold to me
you’ve shown me that a target
is all I’m meant to be
you’ve really no compunction
betrayal is my fate
in few short weeks assessment
epiphany so great
you use and then discard me
whatever fancy’s need
you watch me writhe in anguish
and on my torment feed
you will not stand beside me
no conviction can you find
you’d rather I sit quietly
and walk a step behind
you place me on a precipice
but offer me no hand
I’m slipping further into hate
acquiescence your demand
I don’t know if it’s weakness
or evaluation true
but I do now know with certainty
my worthlessness to you
I used to think that I was strong
the world I could withstand
but I wasn’t ready for the blow
that came on lover’s hand
my heart I gave you freely
and you laughed at it’s demise
I’ve never known betrayal
until I saw it in your eyes
I know I can’t depend on
your protection when it’s needed
you will stand aside
while I am broken and defeated
I think that you would take it back
if option did present
but past is gone, we move on
and you cannot repent
so now I find I’m easing out
I wish for you no pain
but I must seek equality
and find myself again
(2004)
written during what was, to date, the darkest time in my life. I was forced to accept that people, regardless of their intelligence or awareness, can be such cowards in life. I am not sure how some people even live with themselves. But I now know that everything is a stepping stone toward a better life
