the fallen one's retort
(Aka all the smartarse replies you think-but never say)
as far back as I can remember,
there’s always been a complaint,
you’ve always told anyone who’ll listen,
about all the things I ain’t.
how I hated you from the off,
I loved my father best,
I wouldnt take a bottle off you,
I wouldn’t go on the breast.
proof you tout of my hating you,
but not the full story being told,
I wouldn’t feed coz I was allergic to milk,
and was weaned at six weeks old.
I came out brain washed against you,
and it nearly drove you mad,
you tried to reach out to your liitle girl,
but the little bitch was just born bad.
I wasn’t the little boy you craved,
from birth I wasn’t right,
you couldn’t be arsed to think up my name,
no wonder I cried at night.
you’ve done nowt but bitch about me,
coz I couldn’t be your son,
and punished me for everything we did as kids,
As though I was the only one.
coz I nearly blew up my sister,
ok I didcbut she isn’t dead,
and how is that worse than what she tried to do,
trying to torch me alive in my bed.
she killed our Adams budgie,
and bust my toe for fun,
knocked Adam out with a bedroom door,
and you dare say that I’m the bad one.
but of course she’s not coz she’ll kiss your arse,
it also helps that she’s rich,
money makes people forget what you’re like,
a budgie murdering bitch.
but if you’re a Fucked up handful you’re on your own,
especially if you won’t play the game,
if you wanted me to kiss your arse,
you should’ve put some more thought into my name.
every year you tell me about the 40stitches,
I have it down verbatim in my head,
but now when you tell it I sit there and think
“should’ve sewn up your fucking gob up instead”
“your father stole all my quo albums”,
the bad one got them back too,
also took you to see them play live,
moaned it was too loud for you.
“he beat me up when I coloured in the wall”,
I thought “the bastard ill get him back”,
but u defaced an album cover worth over ten grand!!
for that I’d have give you a smack.
if you think that I don’t love you,
that in the family I don’t belong,
that I couldn’t care less about any of you,
then you have so terribly wrong.
I’ve always tried make you proud,
to be the daughter you’d want me to be,
tried to do the things you did,
in the hope that you’d notice me.
tried to play netball but too god damned short,
tried hockey and got knocked out by a puck,
thought id follow your father and I joined the choir,
tone deaf, kicked out just my luck.
lucky for me I was a bit of a brain box,
some good grades should meet with sucess,
all you did was moan that I was failing home ec,
the A1 in Spanish-tour couldnt care less.
being good had got me all but ignored,
so a bad girl I would be,
maybe if I showed you I could be fun,
you’d finally be proud of me.
if you only knew how much attention I paid,
it would knock you off your feet,
I learned disobiedience and all the bad shit I’ve done,
and how not go get caught wen I cheat.
years wasted trying to impress you mam,
its only now that I see,
I don’t want to be anything like you,
just a better version of me.
(2014)
