I’ve spent a portion of my life,
Locked up in a cage,
Lost inside the inner doubts,
Controlled by hidden rage,
At times I’ve entertained the thought,
There are two people locked in me,
With every day a roll of the dice,
To see which one will walk free.
Am I unable to control the actions,
That precipitate how I act,
And with relationships always ending,
Why am I always looking back,
I cause the destruction of all I build,
Continually asking the question why,
Is there some sort of mental issue,
That prevents me from feeling alive.
At times my poems seem a curse,
There’s no way to control their flow,
At times it’s only for hours,
But sometimes it takes days to slow,
I’m told these poems area gift,
As I ask myself does anyone care,
What good are they even for me,
If their words nobody hears.
Our pasts can become a haunting,
Of both our spirits and our minds,
But all the things that surround us,
Don’t the person inside define,
Life each day is easy come easy go,
With the in ability to compromise,
As love for the self is impossible,
So for any other it wears a disguise.
Because of life I’ve had to experience,
The pain and overwhelming guilt,
Perverting all I see and feel,
And any dreams through life I built,
From time to time I visit Eileen’s grave,
And I miss that woman so much,
While from time to time I see Marcy,
Missing her and missing her touch.
It might sound strange to miss two loves,
With the two names it has for me,
While without the two of them in my life,
Their absence has forever changed me,
So when you take a look at me,
Can you feel me drowning in my pain,
Love for them is all that keeps me alive,
Under the tears that fall like rain.