Last night I had a dream
The most sincere and beautiful dream there ever was
I was walking down a school hallway
Books in hand covered in a thin layer of dust
I noticed a girl out of the corner of my eye
So bright so charming
Such a beautiful sight
I could tell the smile she wore was fake
She was so broken I could cry
But there wasn’t a step I could take
To reach out to her and make her mine
I dreamt of me watching this girl through one sided glass
She never realized I was there
Never noticed me as I walked past
She pretended she was okay
Yet I saw it all
I watched as boys and girls poked fun at her
I watched her walk through the halls
Head hanging low when all alone
Retreating to back seats of classes that just passed over her head
She doodled in a notebook and I watched her sketch
A horrible end
A horrible death
When school was over I appeared in my bed
Looking up at the sky and thinking inside my head
If there was only something I could do
Something I could grasp
To make her torment cease but her life still last
I looked down at my own arms
A dark shade of purple
It looked like tiger stripes the shade of the circles
That rested beneath my swollen eyes
As quickly as the thought came it somberly left
It eased inside the back of my mind
It’s something I’ll never forget
I watched the sun rise from my lonely bed
I will do something now
I will make her pain end
I appeared in the hallway
Next to that same girl
I looked left and right
Then gave my fist a whirl
I banged on the glass
She never heard a thing
I could read the look in her eyes
There was so little left that remained
I screamed and slammed my fist to the walls
But no one heard any of my calls
I watched her eat lunch and then run to the stalls
She locked herself alone in the place she calls home
I stood beside her and watched her gag
I screamed and cried and I started to get mad
Her hairs’ held back by her own hand
And now I see it all
I understand
Her wrists and arms were painted like mine
Her stomach was convulsing telling her to
Stay alive
That’s it
THAT’S IT
And I ran at the glass
And just like that
It let me pass
I stood outside her lockdown stall
Hearing her at her worst and I answered her call
I waited for her to finish and I blocked the door
When she came out she looked ashamed and almost fell backwards
She looked so scared
So lonely and dead
But I did what I had to
I peacefully said
“It’s okay my love, I’m wounded too
You’re not the only one, I’m just like you
Don’t you worry, I’ve watched over you this whole time
I will not tell a single soul, I only wish to make you mine”
And with that I rolled up my sleeves
I showed her the pain that has coursed within me
She then grew weak and fell to her knees
Sobbing with relief
Crying because she was happy
I unbuttoned my top shirt and draped it around her shoulders
I held her close until her body ended its’ shudders
“It’s okay, I’m here to stay
Always in my dreams
Will you and I forever lay”
I awoke out of breath
I laid there and cried
This is how the world is
This is the world I call mine

(2013)

Dreams; Love; Self Harm; Eating Disorder; Alone; Found; Alive

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