Sand
A revolutionary, adolescent prodigy
Has nothing left to lose, except these losers hanging around, he -
has to be better. Has to be smarter.
Has to be different. Has to be martyred.
I’ve gotta surpass. Lest my talent be lost.
That’s what they’re telling me, but can I pay the cost?
Now I’m slipping,
Losing my grip and
I think that I’m tripping
Is anything real 5 all nighters in?
Aren’t I different?
Aren’t I better?
Is it bad that when I’m writing I can taste every letter?
The world is melting
And so am I
I look up and I think I see God in the sky
Was I not different?
Was I the same?
Did I not push enough for people to remember my name?
And God looks at me
And then he looks away
Looks to a thousand other mes that feel the exact same
I am not unique
I could not push enough
History will swallow me like any other scum
And God transforms into a burning ball of light
I feel my flesh melting away without a fight
A pile of ash among a trillion of a kind
Stripped of my Name,
Stripped of my Soul,
Stripped of my Mind
And then I wake up, pen still in hand
I still can’t shake the feeling I’m a mere grain of sand
And then I know that a man can be no more
Than a single, tiny fragment
Of the universal shore
I don't really know what this is to be honest. It started out as a rap that I was writing as a joke with some of my friends, and eventually evolved into this. I do think it still retains some of the aspects of the rap, and the change in flow is a real highlight to me. On the topic of the actual topic of the poem, I interpret it as the realisation that life is ultimately meaningless, and pushing yourself to the brink of serious damage is never the way to go about things. I also connect with this about the notion of being considered "Gifted". The pressure of everyone always expecting the best from you, and the pressure to feel you must make yourself into something great, otherwise it's a "Waste of your potential". There is quite a lot of existential dread in this. The idea that there is no "Waste" for someone's potential because everyone is lost to time, and instead humanity as a whole must not be wasted. I don't really know though, I just wanted to do a bit of rhyming again.
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