When the devil told me “Fuck-up is a noun And so are you” I didn’t know if he meant I’m also a fuck-up

You can’t give people the benefit of the doubt if you’re incapable of doubting yourself

My shampoo is nine– ty nine percent natural, as if that were enough

Unconditional love is unbearable so there’s always at least one unspoken rule given to its recipie… Just don’t waste it on them

The soul is an appendix made of wo… and while plenty of people function perfectly well without on… much like the physical appendix– which stores good bacteria

We are all problem children Our problem is Everything we do is done to get a… As if every action doesn’t come wi… An equal and opposite reaction

Unlike the erstwhile folks in acco… AI has a balance sheet for taste and determined that after their recent depreciation all jokes are in poor taste

The only reason that people wear clothes is because they have language

The American cure for the boredom of meaninglessness is not to pursue meaning but to outpace boredom which is why our mass nihilism

The opposite of failure Isn’t success It’s epic failure

They can kick you out and send you to Siberia but they can’t kick God out of Siberia

Vision: In an age when there is n… Mission: Because time flies when…

If you can control the future through predictive policing– what the Department of Justice describes as “taking data from disparate sources, analyzing them and then using the results to ...

The surest sign That people don’t know what they w… Is when they want to have it both… But since you can’t have it both w… They settle for enforcing one way