At work They know me by my secret identity The mild-mannered Clark Kent But at home with my family I can relax and let them see the r…

When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs

I have a prediction to make: We can’t predict the ending But when it’s all said and done Everything will seem obvious For example,

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

Now that everyone else is also holier than thou Our far left raised the stakes becoming holier than Mao With slogans of piffle

Starting gun to my head I’ll finish what you started And run the race By running in place

You’ll never convince me that when the sun and moon are out at the same time it isn’t the sun appearing at nigh…

How much of your conflict with other tribes is the result of your efforts to avoid conflict within your own tribe?

I always thought it didn’t matter if human beings really had free will as long as they experienced the wo… as if they did;

All cars have always been getaway cars because they tell the world how much you’re getting away with but now all cars are SUVs

What do you call a wolf in sheep’s clothing who believes you are what you wear? The ruling class

It’s always darkest before the yawn

My dad was a very religious man He always told me You’ve made your bed now you’ve got to not eat in it

You can only e– ver explain things with that which cannot be explained

Until the company’s weekend retrea… I didn’t know that my leadership s… was like never having braces but still wearing a retainer