In the official version of my life I love my life In real life I love life itself

The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published

A materialist looks at life And sees death A believer looks at death And sees life

The only way to survive being abandoned is to love with abandon

You can’t take both forks in the road but you can overpack

It’s only once You’ve submitted to God’s will That God will say Surprise Me

Honesty is the best policy but it’s not an evidence-based practice

When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs

The people pleaser’s greatest mist… is believing that if you always walk the line you will never have to

Some people say They were born too late; I was almost born too soon But then along came the internet Just in time to stop time–

You’ll know you’re talking to God When He doesn’t talk back Yet you still have your answer

It’s because certain questions will get you killed that certain other questions are also answers

The days of having a cold spell have given way to the era of casting a cold spell

Like generals husbands are always preparing to f… while their wives are always prepa… to fight the last just war

A smartphone with AI is to a person as a person is to a horse