When women need a break from the m… they must be able to endure a whole lot of his navel gazing

I thought I could keep the family… until I realized I was the family… So, all the time I was afraid of… the family’s dirty laundry I was already wearing

When at last Our time comes Just as we realize the need To give things time It will have come to pass

The cover-up is always worse when there’s no crime

People are like whales who have gotten sick of plankton

Because we are social beings whenever people said they have no… they always meant they have no soc… Real life was social life But now social life is short for

When randomness blends with lawfulness you get the Loch Ness

I try to imagine what it was like for my wife when two lines meant positive and the closest I get is when

She was so cool that even her periods were fashionably late

Less self-interest is in your best interest except on Pinterest

A rational actor knows a thing or… First, he knows that by definition a solution solves a problem Second, he knows that

I can’t say I have wants and needs; mainly I don’t want to be needy

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

They used to pay us A penny for our thoughts But then they realized We would pay them To think for us

Staring at your phone came to be known as the thousand yard stare