If we’re being scientific, then The more certain you are that quan… The less certain you become as to… i.e., It works like a charm And if we’re being honest, when

If my wife could re-draft she says she’d still take me but only after trading back to the second round

Telling ourselves half-truths Is worse than telling ourselves li… Because Although the truth will set you fr… Just as you can’t be half pregnant

Some people say They were born too late; I was almost born too soon But then along came the internet Just in time to stop time–

I try to imagine what it was like for my wife when two lines meant positive and the closest I get is when

At bottom crypto mining is just another form of extracting fossil fuels But the crypt keeper knows that the best way to hide somethin…

When they told me I was one of many I took them to mean I was the one

God’s hand Is a fist Until the moment You come to fear God

The only possible form of self-awareness is knowing what you want to be true

Waiting for a sign Is a sign of the times And while we were waiting God kept delivering the raw materi… One day at a time

I can love God forever Or I can have a beautiful bust of… And gaze upon it until I die Or, even better Upload the image of my bust to the…

After years of therapy the stump came to see that there was an I, two even, in the giving tree

Where once it was widely understoo… That the only way to defeat evil Is by defeating it Which is always possible because God is in control

Mother Goose was always considere… a good enough mother Until lately we realized her failure to smother It was unanimous