I tried using my get out of jail free card but the CVV on the back was Roman Numerals for eleven
The last thing Tony Robbins ever… You’re rather sanguine for somebod… he’s an incurable Pollyanna
If you’re going to take sick leave… take FMLA
I wasn’t born to follow mainly because I would never go through a red light
Read between the lines: We are behind enemy lines
The lie you chose to believe Always contains the truth That has chosen you The lie is comforting Because the truth is disturbing
Like a real life Picture of Dorian Gray my hair stays full even as my act wears thin
Known knowns: Who I think you think I am Known unknowns: Who you think I am Unknown unknowns:
When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped
Modern research methods have detec… that there’s no such thing as a ba… leaving scientists puzzled as to w… the whole bunch is still spoiled
Cartoonists always draw the lightb… pointing up so that no one will think it’s a n…
I don’t have a TV because I would watch it Instead, I watch my mouth
There’s always been a method to our madness Its latest name is the scientific method The madness is believing in
The world has gone to heck And heck is hell Minus the pleasure
I thought I was too smart for my own good But happily, I’d overestimated my… and I was just smart enough to be vaporous
