Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–

Jews will tell you Right up front That they believe They are the chosen people WASPs believe that they believe

Now Is not the time for Waiting to decide; Now Is the time for

What would my life be like If I stopped worrying And trusted God completely? Instead of preparing for the worst And hoping for the best

When hell freezes over we’ll all skate on our sins

In cyberspace We play Simon Says In an endless repetition of Repeat after me In the world to come

Not one of us Has all the answers But we all Have all the answers Because there is only

Everyone makes fun of the weatherman for getting the forecast wrong as if getting it right is his real job

If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon

My grandfather built his house With his own hands And yet later in life Cut off half his thumb with a chai… If Alanis Morissette is right

I grew up in the Neighborhood of… where if someone already had their… it was usually based on something… Now I live in the Land of Make T… where if someone’s mind is already…

Nothing is more anathema to our ti… than a phrase that was still secon… just five minutes ago: May the best man win To understand everything we’ve los…

Faith is an act of will power And since faith isn’t knowledge Because it necessarily involves do… For now, the act is always a predi… I will believe