He was the kind of husband who when his wife asked him to stop sa… complied but started looking for excuses to… panda bear

In person we can struggle for equality Online we’ve already achieved

When the ruffian challenges the professional by querying Am I here to amuse you? the professional displays his domi…

After years of therapy the stump came to see that there was an I, two even, in the giving tree

Like generals husbands are always preparing to f… while their wives are always prepa… to fight the last just war

You can’t watch sports these days… Father Time is undefeated Which is when I always quote Saul… “Vait a minute. Vat about Rocky…

I’m not afraid of jumping in front of a bus because I don’t want to jump in front of a bus I am afraid of

She was so cool that even her periods were fashionably late

Nero fiddles while Rome burns? Fiddle-de-dee! Nero riddles but Rome never learn…

If you start with being, then Being is meaningless But meaning is never without being Because meaning always comes first

I’m still the kind of person who is shocked that you can run out of gas and run out of luck at the exact same time

My wife and I have remained happi… because she recognizes me as capta… as long as I acknowledge her as air traffic control

When they start to call you clear-eyed it just means you’re a cynic whose time has come

As Amazon Prime Minister I’m ringleader of the carefree world

I have half a mind to lose my mind and half a mind to find God The question, natch