You can strive for quality and never know if you will get any… You can pursue recognition and never know if you’ve done any… Or you can pretend to do both

Now that everyone else is also holier than thou Our far left raised the stakes becoming holier than Mao With slogans of piffle

A grown up is someone who knows the right thing to do and does it anyway

My house built in the 1920s still has a TV antenna like a tattoo you got in early mid… with which you’ve come to have

It used to be that if you were obscure you had to be able to handle the truth and if you were famous

The world is a cast of characters Social media is a caste of caricatures

Modern research methods have detec… that there’s no such thing as a ba… leaving scientists puzzled as to w… the whole bunch is still spoiled

The pursuit of fame is the human equivalent of a dog chasing its own tail

Being human beings Pacifists are just as obsessed With wielding power As everybody else And just as pathological as those

The sixth extinction was hardest of all on the balloon animal artists

Peanut butter’s not very good by itself but chocolate is Because I’m not very religious it’s important for me

She believed me when I said that my life was based on a true story

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

You’ll know the movement for justice has ceased when everyone and everything comes to a standstill