The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them

If God is dead we get eternal recurrence, when things just keep happening ov… and transference, where every authority figure

Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–

It turns out that the afterlife is only as long as you can keep the exit interview go…

If life is the in-breath and death the out-breath we presume that by ridding ourselves of death we’ll live an infinite in-breath

I never knew who they thought I really was until I finally staked my claim

The US Constitution rules out cruel and unusual punishment but that and a nickel will get you 1% of a cup of coffee now that cruelty is the usual

I always thought everybody was saying It’s better to be safe, then sorry

When words fail you’re getting close to the truth But we’re just about to talk ourselves into

Denial was a lot easier when your head was in the clouds but your memories were stored on microfiche

How anti-Semites use exegesis to… against the Jews: Step 1 – Cite Love your Enemy Step 2- Interpret

Instead of using our flashlights to move through the wilderness in the dark, slowly we believe that if we just keep shining them about the dark forest

Under new management, hell now consists of friendly fire

God gives us what is necessary but not sufficient because nothing is ever sufficient

I won’t rest ‘til O– prah puts me on the cover of her magazine