My ego is too big
The first half of life: Did I say that? The second half of life: I did say that The end of life:
Life is simple; the meaning of life is complicated As a man I’m a simple creature but I’ve been married long enough… that women are complicated
The sign used to say: Gentlemen may remove their hats All others must Now it reads: Ladies and gentlemen may wear thei…
Poets are to their poems As parents are to their children Preparing them for the world Without knowing what they will do
By Jove, the easi– est way to work on yourself is to get married
Physicists insist that time can flow both forward and backward So, I always insist on sitting in the backward facing seats of th… because I need to be able to see
I have not loved my neighbor as my… but I have consistently greeted hi… with an insouciant bonhomie
Looking back on college it’s unclear if I was a party animal party mineral or party vegetable
You seem to have caught me in a gr… But it can’t be at all my fault if As you’ll see in the hieroglyph My back is to the cliff Over which the lemmings drift
I didn’t know my own strength because my strength is in numbers But now I know that my greatest w… was wanting to be number one Fortunately, while it’s easy to ge…
It’s not that we’ve abolished death but we’ve made it a mere formality
If you’re going to take sick leave… take FMLA
Early big bang theor– ists were known for eating quite a lot of popcorn
It was an open secret that on his day off Sisyphus liked to go downhill skii…
