Nobody grows up wanting to be a mot– ivational speaker
When Mao said “Everything under heaven is in utt… he went on to kill 60 million of h… When Xi Jinping said “Everything under surveillance is…
A rising tide lifts all boats But a rising sea floods all moats
Life is defined by failure But you can transcend failure If you die trying
Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
The truth might set you free but it’s the half truths that will let you remain neutral
Abiding means to wait expectantly, defiantly, or submiss… and I typically manage all three in the grocery store checkout line even in the express lane
I may not be the man who has everything but I’m the man who knows what to get for the man who has everything
You need a high in– come to claim the moral high ground on your taxes
People don’t like surprises so I tell them they’re in for a real surprise which gives them something to look…
When you cut the umbilical cord children remain reliant on their p… until they start to become self-re… by attaching to their friends as a step towards the full self-re…
My wife sleeps on her back while I sleep in the mis– take prone position
The lamppost is an outpost Where it’s safe to admit That between you, me, and the lamp… Self-knowledge is over-rated Self-deception is automated
It’s not that we’ve abolished death but we’ve made it a mere formality
The internet is the opposite of th… When a memory is repressed you get it back even though you can’t remember it But when it is memory-holed