When women need a break from the m… they must be able to endure a whole lot of his navel gazing

Instead of the invisible hand bending self-interest towards the collective good we got the risible glad-hand laughing our selfishness off

It’s horrifying when two parties have a suicide pact but it’s exponentially worse that the far right and far left

God is the world’s only super-bower

I never knew who they thought I really was until I finally staked my claim

We got the five day work week because that’s how long it takes a python to digest it’s meal

God: Do you trust me? Me: It’s not my fault!

One person can never predict the future but two people can if they get married This is a clue

You don’t really know someone until it becomes clear that you don’t really know them

The only reason that people wear clothes is because they have language

A charmed half-life is the time taken to lower your expectations to half their original value

The old saying– It’s better to have one and not ne… Than to need one and not have it– Comes from the fact that Everyone has what they need

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

In 2019 KLM Airlines began advertising that you should take the train instead; it felt like being asked to open up the marriage

Excuse me, Are you still Taking excuses?