I never knew who they thought I really was until I finally staked my claim

Coffee is for the middle-aged; we need both to shit and get shit done

There was always an urn on the man… made from terra cotta Little then did I know it was for the remains of the persona non gra…

If new car smell lasts forever you will not be able to smell it

Everybody wants to rule the world And along come the Jews Claiming that God rules the world But nobody wants God to rule the… Because everybody wants to rule th…

If you pursue any vice long enough you’ll either become bored or addi… scratch that– you’ll either become bored and qui… or bored and addicted

No man is an island but plenty live in abandoned towns

I have two dogs Which means I’m in double trouble I have three daughters Which means

We lost our way when we ran out of time and into eternity because space without time

The surest sign That people don’t know what they w… Is when they want to have it both… But since you can’t have it both w… They settle for enforcing one way

Entire lives can be lived waiting for the other shoe to drop although often this just means you’re being crushed at a snail’s…

He may have gotten away with mass… But at least we didn’t let him Get away with murder

Looking for signs of intelligent l… We imagine their supremely advance… Like somnolent caterpillars Dreaming up fabulous cocoons of th…

You have bathed in the Fountain o… Every time you wash off the sweat After a hard day’s work

We flatter ourselves that the prog… man vs. nature to man vs. man culminates in