My boss said It’s my way or the highway so, I took the highway to hell But when God said It’s your way or the doorway
When I picked candy apples as my… (think spirit animals for foodies) I honestly had no idea I was naturally sweet but laid it on way too thick
The smartest gal in the room Is the one who realizes All the adults in the room Are emotional children Behaving like holy terrors
I thought they’d finally say Mea culpa But they still just said Me
As the civil war raged on between too much, too soon and too little, too late I thought I’d found
My analyst says I want to have my cake and put it in a time capsule too
Faith can only move mountains by ignoring mountains of evidence Like most people who’ve lost their… I’ve retained my ability to ignore mountains of evidence
In the new version of Heads I win, tails you lose People hate to be wrong But love to apologize And if you accept their apology
Human beings would be hopeless but for God being hopelessly in love with us
The discomfort that Americans now all evince in one another used to be reserved for old people who get rich quick
The moment of truth has come and g… Leaving us with the whole truth: The best and worst is yet to come When there will be nothing but the… And you will only know the best fr…
My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so
In this age of relentless people p… the merest exercise of reason is always a form of treason
The quartermaster is responsible f… and nothing more Some of you will be content to half-ass the rest of it Some of you will be willing to ris…
When God closes one store He opens another
