Post-pandemic life is like being a… Who comes home only to find Her parents have replaced Her obviously dead goldfish With a new one

Imagine the disappointment when we… both wearing Velcro singlets but each fashioned from the softer… with nary a hook between us

I have half a mind to lose my mind and half a mind to find God The question, natch

The central paradox of our broken world is known through the feeling of unsurprised disappointment Hope is the belief

Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened

Easy to please but problematic to appease

If I said– The worst thing you can say about… is that he always plays it safe– then he sounds like a perfectly ni… But when I say–

She went to law school; I bet it all on brick ov– en pita and lost

Service is inevitable; it’s why we… And there are three kinds There is serving others Because they control you– This is slavery

If you need to be in control Your life becomes a reaction Because human beings can have all… Just as long as It’s damage control

Under new management, hell now consists of friendly fire

What do all apples have in common? It only takes one rotten apple to… Because all apples are unique But a mob of apples are uniquely b…

A mid-life crisis happens when you realize that life is a treadmill which keeps speeding up until you fall off

At first everyone was to be followed by a p… to protect us from terrorists or kill us if we were terrorists But then it was decided that