You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…
Not to be outdone I cut my face off to spite my nose
Eat, drink And be merry But don’t drink And derive
In a few years we’ll all look back on liberal democracy and fake laugh
Al Gore didn’t invent the internet He created a device for the reinforcement of irrational thoughts and behaviors
When the cat’s away the mice will be paralyzed by all the choices
When I ask myself if I might be wrong, there’s a whole lot of red tape
I finally realized that when Smokey Bear says Only you can prevent forest fires Only I really believe him
People need to be a part of someth… And light is both a particle and a… Surfing, then, is a mystical union… But the internet is a tsunami And surfing the web a death wish
The makers of Fitbit Bring you the Pleasure Measure Because after you get your steps i… It’s time to get your fun done!
The first time I went to a robot… I said it hurts when I do this just as I bared my soul and the robot doctor said Don’t do that
The biggest stumbling block in bel… that God is in control is further accepting that He put us in charge
When I was standing in the shallow end I really believed I was all in only later coming to realize
Wonder Woman’s invisible jet was like a stratospheric glass cei… preventing her from flying like Superman
When I was young we always said If you’re gonna be a bear be a grizzly bear! But now everyone’s become