No one is exactly sure why God switched from a pass/fail syst… to having you grade yourself but there have been quite a lot of B-plusses flying ar…

The biggest reason I ever did any… Was always my ego Even as a part of me insisted There must be something bigger That part, the heart

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

The reason every man has his price is because he always fails to real… 1. that he can never get what he w… 2. this makes his desire priceless

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

In failing to put the I in team I took the erotic out of neurotic

Not much has changed but now I’m a glass is ten per– cent full kind of guy

You wanted them all to yourself because they didn’t want anything to do with you and this is the sound of

God said satis– faction guaranteed; religion is all the fine print

When words fail you’re getting close to the truth But we’re just about to talk ourselves into

You have to do the right thing aut… At the same time you are doing it… This seems impossible because No one has ever quite done it Which is why you might call it

Facing a fate worse than death– Immortality with neither body nor… Because Nothing ventured, nothing lost– Life is worth dying for

Now that mindfulness is the official state religion the attention economy will be centrally planned

Like Coke for Coca-Cola, Mr. Pibb is short for Mr. Pibb, ABD

The world has gone to heck And heck is hell Minus the pleasure